am i too old for punk?!

so i just killed brain cells my watching 3 episodes of Tila Tequila and Danni is HOT. my god, who knew the day would come when a butch lesbian would be seen on TV and not be a fucking parody?!

other than that it stereotypes bisexuals, Asian women, and is a completely chauvinistic show. like i said, burning off brain cells.

anywya
pretty sure I have a fever. whatever...

yesterday i went to a punk show, and there was a mosh pit.i spent the entirity of the show thinking of how tired i was and trying to amp myself up to go in the pit, and in the end leaving early cause my ears hurt. I felt so damn old!
when I was 16 I would get in a leftover crack pit and some howcome out still standing. now I was barely in the border of the pit and im nursing a swollen nose and have scratches on both elbows.
either I have gotten weaker, more scared, or the older i get the more fear i have. and quite honestly i got to cut that shit out!

i don't wanna grow up man, where the fuck is peter pan?

partially i think it's also that in college fucking parties are stupid having a VIP section everyone trying to look glamorous and adult and shit. peope make fun of you if you dont dance okay you dont get booze at parties if you don't "look cool" and everyone wants to have an intellectual conversation to scared to look stupid.

so being around that, for months and now im not used to drinking a 40 oz and dancing like a dumb ass yelling at the top of my lungs. the punk scene has gotten more diverse, so as much as that used ot be an old complaint of mine, that has gotten a lot better.


i know that partially what pisses me off about it, and new york in general, os how elitest it can be. especially when you don't know anyone. but yeeah....
now i'm older so im also elitest cause some of the alternative barbie looking kids were pissing me off. most of the kids though i was cool with. i have always just had a hatred of "anarchy barbie" as i would call, it meaning girls wh go to punkrock shows or are into other cool shit because their boyfriend does it, and in the end don;t know sit about it. this is also present off, although i try to not get too annoyed over it cause there's so much misogyn the last thing i need to know is hate women too.
but yeah...when I was little i used to worry cause my hair was long and i knew i didnt look punkrock enough, even if i was into DIY culture activism and punk music. now i know i'm not a fashion pun, but i no longer care. guess thats a perk of being on old fuck haha,

WTF Immortal Technique?!?!

So listen to the song, read the lyrics. Did he just admit to being a rapist?!?!?!?!


Alright. I tried to mantain solidarity with the guy because he's rad and an amazing rapper, has great politics, and is Peruvian like me, came to the US because of civil unrest going on in Peru, just like me.
Also cause he gets such amazing shit done, is real talented, and an asset to the movement and left in general.
This is all DESPITE sexist homophobic lyrics.

But dude, rape?
No, not cool. And I can't excuse that no matter how sorry you are or how you frame it in your song as a shitty thing to do. See, I'm torn up about this because part of me is like "well it's in his past, and he's not a rapist now, and realiuzes the error of his ways..."
And I'm all about fucking over the Prison Industrial Complex and actually deconstructing internalized isms within people and you know, uniting our community and shit. I was totally blown away by Moe telling me of that program that simultaneously therapy-fied sex offenders and sexual assault survivors.


But rape is the most violent crime against humanity, which has systematically been used against women since civilization started.
It is so inherently misogynist, (nevermind sexist!) that you cant just forgive forget and move on.
as a woman i can't see myself forgiving that. you know?

but i feel at the same time it goes against my belief in the ineffectiveness of the PIC and giving rehabilitated people chances.