Complicated

i don't know how to be good to you
you're too close and you know it too
nobody has a good enough excuse
i'm just fucked up and so are you
i love you so much you could hurt me
so i do it first so you won't see me
laugh it off and i don't feel it
hard as rocks and nails underneath
hardly anyone is sincere
all i know is anger that is real
i barely know how true goodness feels
i don't even know how to feel
i know i built walls around
i'm begging you to knock them down
but yours are just as big and mean as mine
tight defenses and we draw the line


if you want to go just go
just go just go just go
and i'll watch you walk away
if you want to go just go
just go just go just go
and i'll watch you walk away
i'll die if you go
just go just go just go
and i'll watch you walk away


stop everything
stop all of these fucked up games
oh oh promise me we'll be good to each other
promise me i need it signed sealed and delivered
stop everything
or my heart will break
my pride isn't worth it
help me this is hurting


if you want to go just go
just go just go just go
and i'll watch you walk away
i'll die if you go
just go just go just go
and i'll watch you walk away


super girl
she isn't real
i thought i could fly alone
but i can't even get off the ground


i don't know what else to say
i don't want to push you away
and i need your help today
i can't get off the ground today
---------------------------------------------------

my life is the entire heavnes to betsy 'calculated' album.

accidently deleted this one- Reflecting on the Green Scare

12/10/07

yesterday i went to the Greenscare protest, the 2nd year anniversary since Daniel McGowan's arrest.
in retrospect, I think I might have been in too good of a mood, and wouldnt blame anyone if that had pissed them off.

but yeah, a lot of people showed up, fliered a lot. some people seemed interested. other people were too busy with furcoats and sales and being tourists.

then went to the Bob Kohler political funeral. thought i have never met him in person I have heard he was real radical and did alot for HIV housing and queer communties of color. so that was cool. It was technically an unpermitted parade, so woot!

I dunno, on the way home I was just thinking of all the people I know and trust. and how unprepared I would be if anything like that ever happened to me. you never expect your friends to betray you i guess.
I mean there's some people I keep a a distance from if i dont trust them enough. but, like the people you trust with your life?
and have them betray you, the possibility doesn't even register as a real one.

Opening Letter to the Movement-By Chris McIntosh

Chris McIntosh is an ALF Political Prisoner who was sentenced 8 years in Prison for burning down an empty McDonalds in Seattle 2003. In a country where rapists, child molesters, and murderers get sentenced a minimum of 2 years, to have someone who has never killed anyone serve an 8 year sentence because of the politics behind his action is an outrage. Chris is my penpal, and is in great need of support. write to him at:
Christopher McIntosh #30512-013
FCI Fairton
PO Box 420
Fairton, NJ 08320
USA


Open letter from Chris - January 2008

To the Movement at Large,

Y’know this past year has been pretty crazy for me – in prison you have a lot of time to think… to evaluate…and this is what I’ve done. I’m sure you are all aware that I held a hardline no compromise stance. For the longest time I was a “down for the shoot-out kid” and if you weren’t down for that well too, well then you weren’t down. And if you weren’t down to use violence, well then you weren’t serious and I believed you couldn’t be effective. For the longest time I felt the only way to give yourself for your collective was to die for it; to be an Achilles.

But who was Achilles? He was a hero and heroic but it wasn’t for the group, it was for his own glory that he died. These are the heroes you hear about. He wasn’t in the end there for his people when they may have needed him. I realize that the real heroes are no less heroic for sacrificing their glory in order to be there. I’ve come to the point where I don’t want to be an Achilles. I want to learn temperance and add it to my strength to be, as long as possible, a firm ground for my tribe to stand upon.

Now recently I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’ve held other people to my own flawed standards. I made harsh statements, against SHAC and others, that lacked love and temperance that are needed for us to be healthy and unified. In a way I was selfish and narrowminded to have held them to a standard gleaned from a path walked much different and with different circumstances than the one they may walk. To everyone who I’ve hurt by this unloving intemperance. My bad yo, and my apologies. I seek now to walk a true standard as a man who will be there for my people, and anyone who cares is my people. I hope to be a pillar of support for you. I don’t want to be a kamikaze any more. I don’t want the hate and anger it brings. Full on no compromise is power – you become powerful – but at the price of your humanity. I won’t pay that price any more.

When Free put out his statement about his seeking other avenues of resistance, I was like fuck that, never me. I was angry and blind to his perspective. But I started to think about it. We acted, but what did we change? We are two men locked up for long periods of time. Both with much larger visions now then when we came into the system, unable to do what we now know is what we have to do.

My vision is now larger than a handgun and going on a kamikaze mission. In fact, I don’t think this is where you should go. Free will be doing different things, as well as I. I want to bring conscious families together into an agrarian community. I want to bring children into the movement. I’m gonna choose the harder path than the easy way out. I’m gonna open my heart but not fear the loss of my strength. I start today by giving you my love and not my anger, my heart and not my fury.

Your brother,
Chris Crow

www.supportchris.net